Friday, May 20, 2016

Ten Years Ago: Where would I like to see myself in 10 years?

It feels like fairly recently that I was complaining that I couldn't clearly see what the future held in store for me. Well, this is something I wrote 10 years ago, thinking about the future and how I could achieve what I wanted.

Where would I like to see myself in 10 years?

Career:
 
I would like to be a contract programmer. I'd work 3 months to a year at various locations in the area. There would be two weeks to a month between contracts in which I didn't need to worry about money or jobs. Most jobs would require a commute of at least 30 minutes, while some would require an hour. There may be some smaller jobs (3 month) requiring a commute of up to 1 hour 30 minutes. I would do some independent work on the side.

[Note: This was written before I got my job at my current employer -- 10 years ago this August.]

Career skills: [redacted]

Personal:

I would like to continue to be happily married. Within 10 years, I expect to have children, or have decided to either not have children or to adopt. I would like to have the time to spend with my family and wife. I would also like to have time to share some of my projects with my kin.

Spiritual:
 
I would like to reconnect with my spirituality. I would like to find a group of people also interested in my particular varient of polytheism. I would like to comfortably grow in to my spiritual path, and in so doing grow further as a person. 

Option 1.

Career:
 
I can see myself reaching a [redacted] position and then stagnating. My skills will slowly lose value with relationship to what is in demand, and then if I lose my job, I won't be able to find further work in the field. This could happen within 10 years, and if so, I will wind up back as a cashier in a department store. 

Career skills: [redacted] 

Projects: None

Personal:
 
I see myself getting stupider and meaner. There is a chance I'll develop a dependency problem on alcohol in an effort to make life more livable. I will hate the person I've become, and that self-hatred will be reflected in my relationships. If I am still married, it will be an unhappy marriage. If I am unmarried I will have so thoroughly lost sight of who I once was, that I will continue to follow in the established downward spiral. If I have children, they will hate me almost as much as I hate myself.

Spiritual:
 
My desire for spiritual growth will have devolved in to a vague loathing of all religions. I will be able to remember that I was once a polytheist, but I will be unable to reconnect spiritually.

Option 2.

Career:
 
I can see myself reaching a [redacted] position and then stagnating. As my skills slowly lose value, my personal relationships continue to deteriorate. Eventually, I can't take living with the person I'm becoming. I pick up some hobbies, and I enhance my skill set. I never reach a point where I telecommute, but I find steady contented employment until I retire.

Career skills: [redacted]

Projects: STEW: Python, X11 UIs, Ncurses

[STEW was my last big project before I switched to writing and music.]

Personal:

I feel that this is more likely to happen after divorce. It is equally possible that both the divorce and the loss of a job could happen concurrently. This would be a call to re-prioritize my life, to reevaluate where I am headed, and to reconnect with who I am as a person. If I have children, I will be lucky if the divorce happens before my relationship with them is irreparably harmed, as I will be significantly better at being a father afterwards. I will have friends, and spend time with them, though I will explicitly avoid romantic relationships. 

Spiritual:
 
I will fearlessly pursue my spirituality, knowing that it doesn't matter if I become too divergent from the culture at large to find another relationship. It will be primarily a personal path, as I will be uncomfortable with spiritual intimacy with another person. I may write a book and speak at various pagan conferences, either of which would allow my beliefs a wider audience. 

And that's it. No other options listed.

So, ten years ago, I predicted that without personal projects I would wither away in to a shallow husk that hated the world.

I also saw a future with personal projects and happiness post-divorce. 

Sure, my projects have changed, and I'm happily employed full-time (though I have recently re-considered contract work as a way to supplement my income) but there's some real truth in this.